Worth it in the end...

Worth it in the end…

Let me start this blog by saying that although my girls are only 7 and 9, I’ve been blessed to volunteer in youth ministry as a counselor for many years, so this information is coming from real life experiences. I don’t claim to know it all, nor do I claim to be perfect, but I do try to guide my own girls and the youth I work with in the right direction.
Junior high is such a tough age for any kid to go through, because there are a million things changing and happening in your life. Puberty hits, and it hits hard! Girls decide that they HAVE to have a boyfriend or they’re not cool, and boys, well, boys just think about what their hormones are driving them to think about. Girls attach themselves to a boy and have dreams of marriage and the beautiful life they’ll have someday, and boys, well, you know what is going on in their minds. Even the most well behaved boys are going to start having thought and feelings that they’ve never dealt with, and ignoring them or trying to sweep them under the rug is not doing anyone any favors. Dannah Gresh, a well known author and director of Pure Freedom and Secret Keeper Girl ministries, said that you should start talking about sexual purity with your kids, especially boys, at the ages of 8-9. That doesn’t mean you have to go into great detail, but you need to start building that foundation of purity and let them know their worth in Christ much earlier than we’ve always thought. Normally, Christian families start to have “the talk” around the time that puberty hits, but with society shoving sex and pornographic images in our faces, it’s got to happen so much earlier!
Even as far back as 13-14 years ago, I had junior high girls talking to me about what they were learning at school, and that so many were telling them that as long as they didn’t have intercourse, that they were “okay”. Boys were taking advantage of needy girls and the girls were clueless, because first of all, they’d never talk to their parents about it, and secondly, they were getting all of these messages from society saying that it was normal and natural. Friends, God wants SO much more for our kids! Just because your tween/teen daughter is still “technically a virgin” doesn’t mean that her purity is intact! Your son isn’t pure of heart if he’s dealing with a secret porn addiction, and even women’s magazines like Cosmo and Redbook can cause him to fall into it! It all has to start somewhere, and talking openly with your kids before it starts or as soon as you find out there’s a problem will be the best thing you can do for them! As an adult, I’ve seen how damaging even occasional exposure to porn can be. It can tear families apart, and even if there isn’t divorce or separation when it’s discovered that there’s an issue, it breaks a sacred trust that will take a long time to regain. Sure, you may think it’s okay for your kids to watch something with a lot of “skin”, because there’s no nudity, but it just leaves the carnal mind wanting more. It’s out there, and it’s NOT difficult for your kids to get a hold of. A simple click on YouTube, the flip of a channel, even looking at your “harmless” magazines can be one step closer to a true porn addiction and lifelong battles for pure thoughts. You can’t un-see something, and sadly, we fall prey to our enemy before we even know it.
Please, get to know who your kids are hanging out with. Visit the homes that they’ll be spending the night at BEFORE they go, know what they’ll be doing and what movies/shows they’ll be watching and what music they’ll be listening to. Find out what atmosphere they’ll be in and what they may be exposed to. Keep communication between yourself and your kids open. Let them know that they can talk to you about anything, without flying off the handle when they mention something that you don’t approve of. If you steer them in the right direction from early on and let them know WHY you want them to choose our Father’s path, speaking to them out of love, not condemnation, you’ll have a far greater chance of keeping that flow of conversation open through their teen years. Show compassion early on, let them know that there is a better way than what they see, and let Him lead. Will your kids disappoint you? Yes, at some point, even the best kids disappoint and disobey their parents, but hey, we disappoint and fail to live up to God’s standards too. He loves us through it all, and showing them how much you love them, no matter what, will help your kids in ways that you could never imagine! Moms, take your son on a date and let him know how much you value him. Dads, take your daughters on a date and tell them how amazing they are. Don’t let lack of finances be an issue. A night at the bowling alley or window shopping will give you a night they’ll remember and time to talk about purity and anything else they need to talk about. It’s worth it in the end!